He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
