I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
