Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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