Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
