you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
