i wish my penis had a tongue
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
