i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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