you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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