thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
