i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
