Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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