today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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