It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
