Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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