Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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