I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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