I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Umm I'm too high to move.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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