Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize