He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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