It's like God shit irony all over that family
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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