I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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