her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
