Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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