they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
