Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
