HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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