My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
