i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
