He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
