You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
