I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
