seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
