Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
