i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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