Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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