I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
