i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
