come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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