He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
