Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
