dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
