she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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