I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
