just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
