in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
