so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Couch. On fire.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
