i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
