five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
