He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
