Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
