You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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