just tell him i said nine months
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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