I accidentally had phone sex last night
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
