All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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