Got a toothbrush?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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