I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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