Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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