at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
