Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You're like the curious george of whores
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
