He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
