Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
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He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
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Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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