Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize