Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
